6.12.24

 Sayuri's book is going to be called:

I have a question


1. Animals aren't evil.

2. Archeology is rhymes with Everything

3. Sayuri's joke


Ye Olde Interview with poet Joe Green starring as Orson Welles: The word genius was whispered into my ear the first thing I ever heard while I was still mewling in my crib, so it never occurred to me that I wasn't until middle age!
Oh, pardon me. I am used to being the interviewee not the interviewer. One falls on hard times.
If a poem is not a pleasure, it’s not a poem someone (perhaps it was I!) once said.
Of course, like any artist, you look at what you’ve done and take certain pleasures from it. Imagine that you are reading this poem to yourself. What particular pleasures do you take?
Calicoe: I take particular delight in this poem. It brings BACK so much that is important to me. Life, things, people, feelings. The whole poem is like a mini movie into the past but is reflected in the present in which humanity has lost so much...ties to family, to belief, to everything really right down to dinner plates. I think the poem is entirely about this kind of loss. I've lost so much over the years. As a child I was constantly threatened with loss. My parents were always quite ill and I was only eight or nine when my first experience with death occurred. I can still conjure up the vision of my grandmother in her casket as we were standing behind this gauzy curtain at the mortuary. I was devastated. I had just been told my father had only a few months to live. Of course he lived on for many years more but I could barely sleep at night and for years because I'd have to check on him to make sure he was still breathing.
Welles: I rarely screen my films although I continually screen them mentally and, for example, in “The Third Man” I delight in leaving this or that convention behind. And you?
Calicoe: Well I've never seen the Third Man but I most certainly will when I get the chance. Now that you have mentioned it to me here in this context. Leaving convention behind, well that is what makes things new isn't it? I don't really believe that poems should be out of the park in terms of another person being able to read them and absorb the feelings I hope to produce and so I often use devices that are well understood universally. Although still, much of what I write is misunderstood, even by me.
Welles: Oh, I should tell you just what I take from your poem. First there is the intimacy. A letter to a dear friend. Then one enjoys various things odd. For example the dog banished to the roof.
Back from the roof
where B has been sent
for being found guilty of being
a dog, not a human.
Although she misses the sweet puppy days
when her abode was the kitchen balcony,
safe and small, she has adjusted well to the
relative peace of the night time sky,
save for a few ill timed landings
and takeoffs from Beirut International
just down the road a ways, or
an occasional bark from Ghandi down below.
At thirteen years her senior he cuts
a rather dashing figure as a suitor,
even with the flies that constantly
swarm in his worn out coat.
Funny and dear and yet full of loomings. This somehow – emotionally or (oh I can’t find the word) pertains to the poem. How would you say it does? If you can bring yourself to tell us?
Yes, you know I am a believer in well made beginnings. I am one fellow who wants to read more. Already I sense a darting intelligence. I want to read more, yes. I am curious. Did you begin with this (do you remember). I imagine the poem just was there and this started the flow? True?
I recall that I once said that I don't want any description of me to be accurate; I want it to be flattering. How do you FEEL this poem came about?
Calicoe: This poem came about from a series of letters written to one Lanny Muss. Lanny is my six foot rabbit that no one else sees. I had many of those types of friends as a child, like Peco the stuffed donkey. He was given to me when I was in hospital suffering from a broken neck. That was a formative experience for me and it often appears in my poems in various ways. As well as Lanny Muss who is a real person but a person who enjoys pretending and especially, enjoys literary artifice. So yes, it is definitely flattering in that our correspondences were always that way, in general, a form of flattery. Lanny had travelled once long ago to my home town Bisbee and knew the place quite well. He also was quite familiar with the streets like Hamra in Beirut. You don't often meet six foot rabbits that share a "place" like that now do you? Let alone two So you make the most of it and flatter the situation to its full potential.
Welles: I recall that I had to continually remind my friend Kenneth Tynan, the great critic, as he sat wheezing across from me (poor boy – emphysema) that one should be grateful for what is given. What is just now there. Perhaps it was 62 – angry young fellows were taking over the theatre. My dear friend, Larry Olivier, felt he had to prove himself and hence Ionesco and that production of Rhinoceros and I understand there is a new play about all this. In any case your life-- as I gather from your poems – has what many poets would love. It is rich in significant event – and I am especially taken with just what you do with just where you are. For example:
In a fit of boredom, I looked into the news today
and found that women had been made to drink
cleaning fluid and Afghanistan is still a mess...
after how many centuries?
I don't know who came up with the Cradle analogy
but certainly, they must never haved been here or there.
I must comment that grandmother's advice to place
the legs of the crib in cans filled with water
to prevent the scorpion's and centipede's ascent, is
well taken.
Really, does it get any better? You have this and can turn it into that. A wonderful image – the infant, the cradle of civilization, the contrasts, the scorpions foiled from ascending but only for so long, the richness of just who gives the advice. One is especially delighted that you see…well… if I may ascend to the vernacular? You don’t put up with any shit. Received meanings, the usual pieties and one senses a fierceness wanting to drive through it all . If I might venture a question that SHOULD be of interest to our readers… given the fact that you poem drives just there do you feel alone, yet alone? As did I?
Calicoe: Well one is always alone in one's head. I am always thinking about mythology, my own and the old ones. I used to look up myths in the Brittanica as a child, one of my things. I love myth even though my knowledge of it is rather hit and miss and a lot of guess work. It always amazes me though that my guesses are fairly accurate. I think I have a pretty good memory for things. And no I don't put up with shit and seldom forget a real personal infraction. It is part of where I come from, a kind of ethos of survival. Avoiding loss and certainly a way of avoiding embarrassment. My grandmother who is in there never put up with shit and her husband's betrayal never left her conscious, from what I am told. Because she was such a powerful presence in our life back then I think I absorbed a certain "orneriness". This particular piece of the poem though is also a reference to literally, being so alone in a part of the world that is considered the center of three major religions. You would think that would make a person happy, make them feel, "ah yes" I've made it here. As we know though, the center of these three religions, this place is not a "safe" place.
Welles: Let’s go on. This verse. Well done with that brief scene showing once again the intolerable outside:
There's an Egyptian fellow talking on and on
the ticker tape moves ceaselessly across the screen
telling me that there is still work to be done.
Only hope that it is in the best interest of all.
And then..the Miss…yourself now and your younger self. May I read this long passage and call attention to the splendid particularities? No, let me ask about a short passage…
Let me just dwell on one set of particulars.
“The Hitching Post! Patio Orange with tiny,
thinner-than-a-hair straws,
three of them (straws, not pops) if you liked.
Grape Nehi from the big red machine
near the counter at the Lumber Company,”
Yes, this is the mirage in the mirror and really I would like to know… don’t you think that if this were done perfectly what was lost would return and that it’s absurd – given the so called fact that all we love goes away – that existence should be as it appears?
Calicoe: I think that the art of using a simple device, like a straw, a type which was common to that time period...the coctail thin type is a way of focusing the reader's attention on something very important. Like using the color red for a soda vending machine and I presume that there are few people of a certain age that can't remember those old red machines. Big and with soft contours like old trucks from the forties and fifties and even into the sixties. Choosing grape Nehi versus Dr. Pepper in there too and, shit! there is the mistake in there. Orange soda from one place and grape from the other. Damn. I think that if this 'uneveness' were to be perfected, clarified and I mean the idea of the thought changed into a 'grammatical' or logical correctness, you would lose that particular association of THIS thing from this place and THAT thing from the other. The echo is trapped between Hitching Post and Lumber Company, both wooden places and wooden things. Of course, I didn't know that until you, Orson pointed it out to me and that is what really fascinates me about poem writing. You write the damn things and then you come back to them and find all sorts of little intriguing things. Sure, when you write it you think, 'oh yeah' but much of the time, that is if you are lacking a certain sort of cynicism, you return to the poem and 'discover' it. Poems are never finished really. Never perfect. If a poem is perfect and a poet is attempting to write 'perfect' poems I think that the poet really ought to sit down and have a good chat with his 'whatever', muse if that is what you want to call the little genie in the bottle down inside. This is something about art that you pick up from studying, and I mean up close and personal, masterpieces, particularly paintings. You find out that few of them are 'perfect' and in fact, if a person has ever attempted painting for a period of time, you find out that the imperfections sometimes become a central part of why a painting is considered wonderful. When you figure that out then you start checking out all sorts of ways artists have dealt with the imperfections and of course that would mean the 'humanity' of their work. Although I have a serious love of Georgia O'Keefe paintings and her work including her thing with Steiglitz, I must wonder how human she was. She was known to be quite difficult and her work reflected a sense of straining to achieve perfection, not a flaw in there and her work looks like it was practically airbrushed on to the canvases which she stretched herself and was a harsh taskmaster in that. She is like the sonnet writer of painting. Luckily, she wrote some pretty good sonnets.
Welles: And then there is this fine back and forth going on between “The Miss” and the “I.”
“I am conscious not only of her pain in telling it,
but of the extreme loneliness one finds
in a foreign land such as ours.
Joni Mitchell would have preferred California to Spain,
even though the two of them share birthdays,
the Miss would prefer this loneliness
because she says it is the only real thing.
Me, I am never lonely or even alone.
There's always a delivery man at the door
or a dress to be picked up at the cleaners…
So, is this consciously crafted in the way many seem to imagine? I am betting that this flows naturally and after the fact seems right. Correct?
And, oh, we are running out of time.
I need a drink. And then perhaps once again into the sympathetic abyss.
Calicoe: This kind of thing does come from the gut. It isn't really sculpted like it should be or like perhaps, some people think things like this should be, sic poetry. I like nature and natural forms like the shape of a hunting dog's head or his chest. And I really like natural endings.
Thank you Orson for honoring me thusly. I wish you well in the afterlife.

 Once upon a time there was a baby and they named him Henry.  

Henry had a big sister and liked to talk about many things.

His sister was named Genavieve Rose but she liked to be called G.

Because her name was hard.

One day on the way to school, G's grandma was lost and driving all around the place.

She was looking for Mona Lisa Street.

So she started telling G that Henry didn't know about Mona Lisa.

G laughed. Henry just looked. 

G's grandma said that the Mona Lisa is the most famous picture in the world.

G listened and her grandma said everyone in the world knows about Mona Lisa.

How could such a famous picture be such a secret to Henry?

4.12.24

In the After Maths


-Listen (I've been looking

for the devil)  so when you know

the height and weight

some say the color

of the eye, the one eye

juicy and without cataract,

when you know and you can know,

it is no longer difficult.

When you cannot follow

the birds, chase the dogs.

19.11.24

Borges, “Of Exactitude in Science”
Posted on September 13, 2011 by David Gürçay-Morris
Of Exactitude in Science
…In that Empire, the craft of Cartography attained such Perfection that the Map of a Single province covered the space of an entire City, and the Map of the Empire itself an entire Province. In the course of Time, these Extensive maps were found somehow wanting, and so the College of Cartographers evolved a Map of the Empire that was of the same Scale as the Empire and that coincided with it point for point. Less attentive to the Study of Cartography, succeeding Generations came to judge a map of such Magnitude cumbersome, and, not without Irreverence, they abandoned it to the Rigours of sun and Rain. In the western Deserts, tattered Fragments of the Map are still to be found, Sheltering an occasional Beast or beggar; in the whole Nation, no other relic is left of the Discipline of Geography.
—From Travels of Praiseworthy Men (1658) by J. A. Suarez Miranda
The piece was written by Jorge Luis Borges and Adolfo Bioy Casares. English translation quoted from J. L. Borges, A Universal History of Infamy, Penguin Books, London, 1975.




My Great Great Great Great Grandfather Reverend Phillip Porter   Date: [unknown] [unknown]
Location: [unknown]
Surname/tag: PORTER

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This page has been accessed 312 times.

Lucy Ayers Gunthorpe, transcriber16 Oct. 2005

The first application was made to the Sate of South Carolina in 1831:

To the Honorable Senate and Members of the House of Representatives of the State of South Carolina, The Humble petition of Phillip Porter showeth that he is now in the 67 or 68 year or years of his age, has reared a large family and they have all become of age and doing for their selves and he has no family except himself and his wife and the petitioner showeth that he has for many years of his life been an ailing man and not able to accumulate property. He is now old and not able to work and without help from the State of South Carolina where he has rendered great service must of course soon become in a suffering situation or be dependent to the charity of his friends and as this Petitioner has been a faithful Soldier of the revolutionary struggle and all his aid was rendered in that glorious struggle for liberty, he hopes you take his petition in consideration and grant him a pension as is allowed to others in similar circumstances. The petitioner showeth that he was born in North Carolina, Guilford County and removed to South Carolina in the time of the war and settled in Abbeville Dist. in this State and there resided during the war and this petitioner showeth that he was early in our army when he came to the State. The first tour was a Volunteer Tour against the Indians under Col. Killgore and then home and then served three months longer under Capt. Roseman scouring the frontier and was stationed at NORRODS BLOCK House in Abbeville where he served a dangerous tour of duty in guarding and providing provisions for the benefit of the Fort and after he served his tour at that place he then volunteered under Capt. Robert Maxwell in the horse service for another tour in the said service scouring and ranging the frontier where he, your petitioner under went many hard trials and many dangers. Your petitioner showeth that he was ready at every beck and call of Capt. Robert Maxwell about the close of the glorious struggle for liberty to turn out and scour the frontiers and beat back the Indians in which service he often acted as a spy and if your honorable body shall hear the prayers of your petitioner he as in duty bound will ever pray---

The State of South Carolina, Pickens District: Personally came before me the subscribing Justice for the said District and appeared Phillip Porter, the above Petitioner and made oath in due form of law and sayeth on his oath that all the facts set forth in the above Petition is just and true. Sworn to and subscribed to this 18th day of November 1831 before me Bailey Barton, JQ. Signed: Philip Porter

The following is a just and true schedule of the Property of Phillip Porter.......439 acres poor land, part Mountains ....given in to Tax Collector last quartly...13 head cattle...A stock of hogs supposed 30 head or upward,some of them being shy I can't exactly say...2 head of horse beast, not valuable...6 or 7 head of sheep and a few farming tools andthe necessary house hold and kitchen furniture for a small family... no article of fine quality....as to cabinet work and 2 beds furniture.

The State of South Carolina, Pickens District: Before me the Subscribing Justice, Personally came and appeared Phillip Porter and made oath the written is a Just and True schedule of all his effects and says on his oath that he has not dispossessed himself of any property in order to obtain a pension from the State. Sworn to this 18 day Nov. 1831 before me Bailey Barton, JQ. Signed: Philip Porter.

I, Bailey Barton one of the Justices of the Quorum for the said District do certify that I have been long acquainted with Phillip Porter and can say he is a man of just character and that all faith and credit should be given to his affidavits as such. Signed: Bailey Barton, JQ.

The State of South Carolina, Pickens District: Before me the subscribing Justice of Peace for the said District, personally came and appeared JOSEPH CHAPMAN and took oath in due form of law and says on his oath that he knew Phillip Porter to be a faithful soldier in the Revolutionary War and that he frequently saw him doing duty and that he served with him under Capt. Maxwell and Roseman and says he knew Phillip Porter through the whole struggle and he was faithful to do his duty when ever called on. Sworn to and subscribed this 18th day of Nov. 1831 before me. Signed: Joseph Chapman with his (X) mark.

The State of South Carolina, Pickens District: I, Bailey Barton one of the Justices of Quorum for the said District do certify that I am well acquainted with Joseph Chapman whose name is above subscribed and that he is entitled to full faith and credit in my opinion. Signed: Baily Barton, JQ.

DECLARATION: In order to obtain the benefit of the act of Congress of the 7th of June 1832......State of South Carolina, Pickens District: Personally appeared on this 7th day of October 1834 before the Honorable Lt. P. Butler one of the associate Judges of the Said State in open court at Pickens Court House, Phillip Porter, a resident of the District aforesaid aged seventy one years, who being duly sworn according to law doth on his oath make the following declaration in order to obtain the benefit of the pension made by the act of Congress passed June 7th 1832, that he entered the service of the United States in 1781 well as he recollects as he was then only about seventeen years of age in Ninety Six District, now Abbeville, S. C. as a drafted militia man in the company of Capt. Samuel Roseman and Col. Killgore's Regiment went one tour after the Cherokee Indians but before this My Father, Hugh Porter was taken prisoner by the British and I was exchanged for him and kept as a prisoner of war six months at New Bern, North Carolina, since at that time in Guilford County of the State and removed from hence to the District of 96 where I entered the service for 6 months under the said Capt. Roseman and Col. Killgore.

He is positive at this time he served as scouts and in the service six months. He then volunteered as in the Cavalry under Capt. Maxwell was ready to start with him on an expedition when he was assigned by the Captain to stay and provide for the fort. He was then engaged in procuring provisions and guarding the said fort called Norrod's Fort and stood ready to be called out at any time ____?______ 9 months, but says positively he was in the service 8 months at this time. This was in the year 1779 or1780. He was a minute man under Capt. Maxwell till the close of the war and was always ready to reconnoiter and fight the Cherokee Indians on the frontier.

He hereby relinquishes every other claim to a pension or an annuity except the present and he declares his name is not on the pension rolls of any agency or in any State and he answers this interrogatories required by the War Department to be part of the Court as follows: 1st: He was born in Guilford County North Carolina on the first day of July 1763, he believes having no family register present 2nd: He has no family register but his Father had one in Abbeville, SC. 3rd: He lived in Guilford N. C. when exchanged to the British for his Father when he was 10 year old. His Father then moved after his return to Abbeville, SC where he entered the service under Capt. Roseman Col. Killgore where he continued to live till about the year 1784 or 1785 when he removed to Pendleton District - now Pickens, where he has remained ever since and now lives. 4th: He was while in Abbeville always a volunteer and minute man. 5th: He was with General Pickens and Anderson and frequently saw them during the war. 6th: He never got a written discharge. 7th: He does not know any man who would dispute his word but is well acquainted with Bailey Barton, Esquire, Col. Benjamin Hagood, Major Keith, the Clerk of the Court, William D. Sloan, the Sheriff of this District. He would appeal with confidence to all whom he is known at this late period being measurably illiterate he can not so correctly recollect the particular dates as his memory is much impaired by old age and infirmaties. Signed: Philipporter (typed as written).Sworn and duly in open court the day and year aforesaid before William L. Keith C. C. Presiding Judge.I, William L. Keith, Clerk of the Court of the District of Pickens, S. C. do hereby certify that the foregoing contains the original proceedings of the said Court in the matter of the application of Phillip Porter for a pension.In the testimony whereof I have hereunto set my hand and seal of Office this the 7th day of October 1834 and in the fifty-ninth year of American Independence. Signed: William L. Keith, Clerk of Court for Pickens District.

We, Robert Gains, a Clergyman residing in the Dist. of Pickens and Bailey Barton residing in the same hereby certify that we are well acquainted with Phillip Porter, who has subscribed and sworn to the above declaration. We believe him to be seventy one years of age as he states that he is upright and believed in the neighborhood where he resides to have been a soldier of the revolution, and that we concur that opinion sworn and subscribed the day year aforesaid in open court..before William L. Keith, C.C.Signed: Robert GainesSigned: Baily Barton

And the said Court do hereby declare their opinion after the investigation of the matter and after putting the interrogatories prescribed by the War Department that the above named applicant was a Revolutionary Soldier and served as he states and the Court further certifies that it appears to them that Robert Gaines _____, who has signed the preceding certificate is a clergyman resident in Pickens District and that Bailey Barton, who has also signed is a resident in the same District of Pickens and is a credible person and that their statement is entitled to credit.Signed: A. P. Butler, Presiding Judge.

A copy of a letter from the DEPARTMENT OF THE INTERIOR, BUREAU OF PENSIONS, RECORD DIVISION, Washington, DC was included with the request for a copy of Philip Porter's pension application and declaration. It is a form (3-525) letter, "in reply to your request for a statement of the military history of PHILIP PORTER." An outline of his service as found in his application was entered in the appropriate spaces, with the final notation of, "....WAS REJECTED ON THE GROUND OF UNOFFICIAL PROOF OF THE ALLEGED SERVICE." POWER OF ATTORNEY: Know all men by these present that I, James Porter of Pickens District and State of South Carolina and one of the children and legal representatives of Phillip Porter, a Revolutionary Soldier and Mary Porter, his wife who is now deceased, do hereby irrevocably constitute and appoint John L. Neely of Washington District of Columbia my true and lawful attorney for me and in my name to examine into and prosecute any claim that may be due or found to be due the children and legal representatives of Phillip Porter and Mary Porter in virtue of said Phillip Porter's service in the Revolutionary War and the several acts and resolutions of Congress relative thereto and that might have accrued to either of the said parties and not drawn during their lifetime and now due to their legal representatives and to receive the certificate of Pension etc. when issued by the Department. Thereby confirming whatsoever my said attorney can do or cause to be legally done either in person or by substitution in the prosecution of said claim except drawing money on the said claim. I, revoking any other authority I may have given to any other person or persons in this premise whatsoever. In witness whereof I have hereto set my hand and seal this 5th day of September 1853. Signed: James Porter (Seal) Signed in the presence of L. B. JOHNSON (his signature)(nb) Elizabeth struck out Mary inserted before signature.

State of South Carolina, Pickens District: On this fifth day of September in the year 1853, personally appeared before me, James Porter and acknowledged the written Power of Attorney to be his act and deed. Signed: J. W. NORRIS, JR Notary Public Ex. Off. Magistrate for Pickens District, SC.State of South Carolina, Pickens District: I, William L. Keith Clerk of the Court of General Sessions and Common Pleas for Pickens District in the State aforesaid, do hereby certify that J. W. Norris, Jr., Esqr. before whom the preceding acknowledged agreement was made (as appears by his name in his own handwriting attesting) was at the date thereof a Notary Public and Ex Officio Magistrate for the District aforesaid who had been duly appointed and qualified and had signed the roll kept according to law in my office... (end of page).

Transcriber’s note: There was an inconsistency in the spelling of Philip's name throughout the documents. It is interesting to note that Philip wrote and spelled his name Philip, while the clerks usually used Phillip.

18.11.24

 Mid in November


Footnote to Crowhaven Farm I suppose,

Hope Lang once again under the bricks

under the witchcraft radar

schlepping around to take

the rest of Radiann's persimmons

if there are any, the solar rays

got very strong this year

and zapped and withered

everything and even things 

beyond the everything.

The persimmons, all three of them

were tasted by the birds

and rejected so I left 

them there too, I left Alex Hay

with his cat Lily on the table

while we talked about

the heaters and how the windows

cannot be cleaned, we discussed

javelina precautions and how charming

the little house is how happy

he is there

and then I sent my husband

to the store for peppers, onions and cream.

I wanted to tell Alex

what happened there in that room,

my sister's last breaths

how my first shriek of grief

left my mouth from his position

against that wall.

I wanted to certainly


4.11.24


Prophecy


I am sure that 

that was lightning scar

and the rocks are still 

there though smaller 

and we older,

I am sure of so much-

of the lake and the elk

and the rope tied onto

the tree. Those are clearly

trout and it is summer.

One day they will come

and rifle through 

the knick-knacks,

the beads and bedrolls

and will need to know

that rope was tied

onto the tree, it was summer

and those were trout.

28.10.24

 Down through the alleyways of extinction

the abandoned dirt roads where young girls

used to walk unaccompanied

wearing their silk slips outside instead of in

here we are on a lonesome blogspot.

Yes, you heard me.

All the big publishers have moved on

to the big cities

pushing boundaries they said

breaking molds they said

all I see are the shadows of identity

politiks. They took their slips and packed

their bags to make noises in the city

using the sugar daddy model of poetics

gymnastics at 4 am on some old worn

out sofa with Jazz on a streaming device.

We are out here in the country,

enjoying whatever it is you thought 

you found but never even looked for

and that was:  your departure.

We waited because we knew

it would pass.


https://media.sas.upenn.edu/pennsound/authors/Salah/Wexler-Studio_2-10-17/Salah-Trish_Wexler-Studio-Session_Two-Self-Portraits_2-10-17.mp3

The After Thought


When finally the last words are eaten

and when there's no more 

to fall back on

and the lump of fat that is used

to exercise the heart mediated by the mind,

it is as if the thermo-regulation

of a dog is a more important

organ to the well wishers and naysayers

waving at the hostages

on the way to the mass graves.

My mother used to tell me:

I love you more than all the tea in China.


24.10.24

The day Ron Silliman said this about me: "There were multiple comments in the polyphony of the stream that could be interpreted as racist, especially those made by Lilac, an Anglo woman living as a Muslim in Lebanon."

This was in response to a drunken pair of Filipina poets who went on a rampage because I said Barbara Jane Reyes poetry was not so great but she was exotic looking.  And, she was.  She and her friend Eileen Tabios were also vengeful racists entrapping balding white men on a private site they operated...tricking wealthy old white dudes into marrying Filipino village girls.  Of course, as the Lead Detective on the case, no one at the Silliman Blog knew about the dark side of these two numbnuts.  I exposed them and it led to Ron Silliman taking his toys home and shutting down his comments section forever.  I imagine because he was a total embarrasment.  Coddling two really venomous poets and me....well.  The whole thing happened when I wasn't even there to defend myself from these nasty women.  I was in South Lebanon, no internet, no cares in the world while the bunch of them spun amazing tales of my horrendous White Superiority Complex that was a surprise to me more than anyone.  Me, an "Anglo" woman "LIVING" as a muslim....it doesn't get much better than that when it comes to the outright bullshit bigotry I have faced as a muslim over 40+ years.  


https://carmenisacat.blogspot.com/2006/03/famous-ron-silliman-said-wednesday.html

21.10.24

Untitled/Undated/Also, Ongoing
Someone announces there are jackals in Tel Aviv,
just for saying Jerusalem.
The key to the cities: Beirut and Nablus,
were purchased long ago while you slept
in Long Island.
A journalist fumbles in his pants
for his keys and a lead,
watches Arab children razed,
toilet trained too young on empty cans
carried room to room with the burghul;
it fell in older times from mud kitchen walls,
silos of sand in sand,
dispensing traces of brothers
fallen into wells full with grain.
You in a photograph of a boy
pointing into the deep of the old village house,
the place where you sunk forever.
The UN Sounds Blue

There are jackels out there in the fields,
guarding a hundred ghosts;
dead Roman soldiers
disintegrating near Saladdin's castle.

-a bat skirts through the early morning air
swallowing and swallowing-

The UN makes another patrol
down the thorny roads of South Lebanon
the sun will climb over the horizon
one more time
to make a small history
as if Christ walked here
sweeping for land mines
in the frost cracked hills.

The jackal out back is innocent if we let her be
leave her to her pups.
Their cry sounds like a herd of goats,
or a hundred frogs;
or dying birds;
a plague of locusts.

We could catch one and give it a name
create a race of stray dogs
sought after by collectors of uncommon things.
-but a god damned hunter shoots her anyway-

As bats witness to Rome and Geneva,
the weary eyes of the UN
hide in jeeps and tanks;
big white tanks
their blue flag courses in the wind
flappity flap flap flap,
it sounds blue, like blue flappity flap
in the cold southern wind
full of jackal. 

9.9.24

Written by a Retired RN who became a landlord


On Valentine's Day we readied to sleep

when I heard the first call at 2200

I looked at you,  you already asleep

but listening as you do and said,

"Who would call at this hour unless there was a fire?"

In a fire prone town this is how you think.

I tucked myself in and began the trip to morning.

The second call at 2220 went to voicemail

which politely dictates messages for me, does yours?

It was Ken, he said "Meg, I think your building is on fire,

I think you better head up there."

Long story short, we were up on the hill

just minutes after my second pant leg slid up,

and I always worked best on graveyards.

The man next to us had escaped the blaze.

It was glorious in its own way, out of control

as the BFD performed what is termed: surround and drown.

Sometimes the cure is worse than the disease.

He told us in low whispers that he and his wife 

had lost everything in a California burn a few years back,

lightning does strike twice, just not in the same location.

Nothing is left now. Just a bunch of walls like brothers

broken in a war, scorched and scarred and somehow, sacred.

The whole town grieved. We raged and bargained, 

denial of a fire is impossible, denial of our

animosity towards it however isn't, so we toiled

in a state of bitterness until slowly

but surely, we accepted. We graduated from

the Kübler-Ross academy of hard knocks.

We accepted all the feelings we'd hurt and been hurt by.

We accepted the inconveniences, we learned how to get on.

Until my tenant got cancer. Not another one.

It's a God-damned avalanche. Colons and lungs,

brains and skin, breasts and babies, one after another.

I went in to see him, to check on the overdue rent

that I already knew wouldn't be coming

but I wanted to put eyes on the scene

to gather evidence, we all need evidence

and his wife had been crying, he started crying.

There's just no way, we're tapped out

he said, out of pocket expenses already

have a choke hold, "we'll get it to you as soon as we can."

I said to them, "Isn't it weird how the fire missed us like that?

Only to start over here six months later?"

She looked at him, he looked at her,

as if to say, 'how did she know we were just saying that?'

His wife the real life retired homicide detective

who solved a cold case that made it to 

National TV and who told me

when I asked her "what's it like...murder stuff?"

She said "it's the cruel things people do to other people"

...that's what got her out of the profession.

Same here I thought, same here.




26.8.24

Mr. Ditz and the Fantastic Technicolor Electric Universe Theory

I started dreading they would show up, become as present in reality as they'd become in my mind. Rather, he would show up because she wasn't really the problem, not at least, the primary cause of it. Afterall, it wasn't she that put in the effort to contact me and let me know what horrible person I must be. Isn't everyone? At the supermarket, the only one in town. At the post office where most conversations were carried out with people I hadn't seen in a month or two. Or even longer. Usually longer as I'd taken to the reclusivity of old age. What is the use of a social construct when all it led to was outbursts like his. There was so much hostility in what he had to say and where it came from appeared to originate in something other than what I had said about a scientific theory that I understood if not completely then at least enough to have substituted it for the failed one everyone else was pushing around like an empty shopping cart at a flea market.

19.8.24

Dear Whoever You Are, Once again, I fell to sleep, eventually. The amount of pain I felt was beyond my tolerance for accepting it as 'just pain' and rather, I believed it to be mental illness. Things will never end will they? But you knew this, know this. I wonder who is the teacher? Is it you or the devil? In the morning I wake to realization, that kind of nausea that everyone knows. It will be there for some hours. It is that pattern that I've learned to live with, not an old friend but a regular visitor. A mailman or garbage collector. It is almost a hobby but like stamps, filled with a certain amount of dread, a certain amount of fascination. The sadness that started in the heart and went into the tummy, ends up in the hands. Circles back into the heart and runs the circuit until it has divested of the pertinent electrons responsible for the distribution of grief. Grief? The losses endured. The losses of things no longer even there to remember let alone to grieve. Ancestors. They are there but no longer have names. Whoever you are, my question is this: have you felt your skin on inside out yet?

15.8.24

As if an open book revealed an open heart. I don't like to read books anymore.

2.8.24

Sobbing I dreamt of Gaza last night. I'd been there before, many times. We were visiting a relative in Borj al Borajne, the sign for Gaza in the world of sleep. It was a symptomatic rendition of a proto-typical slum in the Arab world, places you never see unless you have chosen that path. There were orphans there in a room where a dozen or so Arabs were sitting and one orphan in particular who was being bullied by everyone. The orphan had very tiny eyes that never opened. I went to the orphan and picked her up. Her tiny eyes opened as I cradled her well. There was so much love and longing between us. I then had to leave with the group that had accompanied me to the slum. I somehow got separated although as I passed the correct path, the one that went down a hill..I instead went up the hill all alone. I took a wheelbarrow from a worker at the fork in the road in order to carry something. At the top of the hill it became clear I was in the nice part of Gaza, the universal slum. The buildings changed..I noticed terrace gardens where someone had capped their potted plants with old plastic bottles to create terrariums. I was getting more and more nervous, the buldings were getting more opulent and modern. I was in trouble, getting further and further away from my group. I entered a salon and asked to use a lady's cell phone and she agreed but said she had to do some things first. I knew if I called Mel he'd come and get me and the number I can never remember while awake became quite clear. The woman however was deliberately avoiding me to prevent me from leaving her salon, that world of beauty in which she performed an endless number of tasks to put me off. I finally decided to ask one of the customers and went from face to face, person to person and crying. No, because in my dreams I do not cry. I sob tremendously hard. It was one of these dreams that are so common with me now as if to populate every single dream I have anymore. They all end up in desperation until I fully acknowledge that I have the power to end the nonsense. I choose to wake up. I sense an enormous sense of relief knowing that incontinence missed my house once more time.

30.7.24

We were more patches than pants even our cats had holes in them from the BB guns and abcesses which regenerated themselves using tongues as sharp as the underside of wild berry leaves, all of life was an abrasive yet it kept us from going soft on the outskirts. Back then with our brother's jeans rolled up to our knees we stood and waited for the socks to be darned, we stood and waited for the time to pass, we stood and we waited and we stood and our shadows left traces

28.4.24

Delusion Talking to my children this morning, the children that have seen three invasions, three escapes, three traumas.....well none of that can compare to this in Gaza. No but when it comes to tasting that bitter boneless cake we know exactly about the texture and flavor. Even Israel knows it well and have it as a creed: Never Again. The one thing I hear often on the few newscasts that I pay attention to, so accustomed I've become to this ongoing problem that appears to descend from the battles of brutal Assyrian kings...I notice when they ask, "who is going to rule Gaza after this is over?" I don't bother answering because afterall, it's a script and a TV screen. I have spent way too much time shouting at those actors who go home to their lakeside properties in windy cities with mass transit, arriving home to martinis and fettucine. Who are they to ask questions when it is the case that they work in front of butcher shops for the butcher selling knives? Why are they even asking? Do they expect a response or are they scheduled to give one? It is no secret, I have the answer. Are they trying to pry it out of me? They know I know the answer, they stare at me all day feigning ignorance. Memory. Memory is going to rule Gaza. It always has.

25.2.24


Ode To Rocks

In pockets and gardens, under
our beds for miners carry
a fair share in long gray
pails with jugs of soup
near shanks and flesh
with crusts plus those
stored in the chests.
The spare parts of the world
cast about pose a craving
as deep as the ocean is long
as the rivers are wide. A record
of perennial harvests hauled
up from stopes through gob-shite
on ladders of iron out the Judeah

the William Jennings Bryan, Red Jacket,

Cole and Cambell

the Eagle Eye Nagasaki to the north

Beloved fountains of slag
pour into banks of remains
where genuflection pays
paper for gold and time with loss.
Poor men fair well in shifts,
forever on the way in or out
with dirt clinging, dirt in love
with the heroic skin, part
ancient shroud part, let me in.

15.2.24

 Time stood still 

The devil had Frankie on a string

Prancing and grinning in the light

of the flames.

22.1.24

Epiphany of Ending

-“No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and mammon [money, possessions, fame, status, or whatever is valued more than the Lord]." - some guy called Matthew

No longer time for real brain 

each touch and switch the antenae twitch

peculiar sound fed into the hand-held

of a dear Pavlov fact-checked inkblot.

I could not put my finger on the special

tinnitus, between gunshot and door slam

used for both hunting and for gathering

yet I heard it, there it was and determined

in true lie-detector fashion,


         the hulking cabal

of our five literal senses produced

yet a sixth, the one I had hoped for

and knew existed:  Eureka!

En la frontera and re-membering

the fundamental block-chain

of the ages Stone to Iron to Data,

how many arthropods it takes

to get to the center of the helix

in state-of-the-art Osterizers


-this last purification hurt

but I've said that before.



19.1.24


Audience of One
I am asked sometimes, "do you still write poetry?" Sure, when there's a poem to be written. Most of the time, there's something to "be done" and if it's the laundry, then I do the laundry. If it's yard work, I pull some weeds. I am fortunate to have a husband that understands the artist in me and he encourages me to do whatever I see fit. We had a conversation not too long ago....we've been married now for 43 years give or take and he's never been under the illusion that I'd be some kind of straight up wife type (but if you hum a few bars I'll fake it). I said to him that sometimes I wish I was like real artists and poets and had dedicated more energy to publishing (photos, poems, etcetera) and I realized (total epiphany, the kind that you always said but didn't really believe but then you say, wow That! yes!) ...that being a mom, a wife, a cook and "chief bottle washer" was just as important and allowed just as much creativity to flow as anything else. Of course, like all art it can also be done poorly and without craft or enthusiasm.
I read this morning somewhere or someplace (on the interWEBS haha) that someone local said a poem doesn't exist until it is published or read out loud which could be said about anything that one wants to share....like a lovely cauliflower stew or a collection of lovely, well-tended pieces of pottery (made by someone else...and I finally purchased and constructed a console table to show off my collection, took me four effing hours to put that thing together). You do want someone to taste and feel the pleasure of the meal, to enjoy the cleanly swept front porch, pee in the shining porcelain receptacle of the Gods. I do not believe that another person is very much interested in how that toilet ended up so miraculous or how the poem was constructed line by line in order to insure that the reader stumbles over the words
"I am
-pretty too"
in order that they should be led, misled and then led back into the thought process with special trickery. And sure, I can give you a recipe for cauliflower stew but I cannot teach you to how to cook anymore than I can know if you like cauliflower. In other words: my standards and preferences as any kind of producer of any kind of work are what matters. It's all that should matter to anyone who is serious about any thing.
I take great issue with the type of self-absorbed mummery involved with a statement like, "oh until it is published it doesn't exist". I sense that the person who said it was trying to say "something important" because, well. People expect poets to have some sort of special power to issue decrees and such.
I decree: when I eat my cauliflower stew, I'm much more interested in how that stew makes ME feel inside, how important that hint of seven spice really is to ME ME ME. I'll sit there the next day with a bowl of leftovers and just languish in the glory of my creation..... albeit if someone else likes it, that's good too. Same for poetry. Any artist who truly understands their own production knows this and by knowing it, has conquered the biggest critic of all: themself. Mean Joe Green a former mentor that I used to interact with quite extensively taught me this, the idea of a poet's "audience of one". He also coined the phrase, "Look, a war all about her." (after the incursion in 2006). It was perhaps the best gift I ever received from him and sadly, continue to receive it now as Gaza is being leveled. The sad gift that keeps on giving.
This little ditty was written in 2006, on 16th Terrace/Center and won a little prize and honorable mention in a group that no longer exists called the Interboard Poetry Contest. Back when message boards and in particular, poetry critique circles performed surgical interventions on poems for other poets and probably destroyed some seriously pristine and honest work. It is one of the last times I ever bothered to submit a poem (save for.a stint of sending things off for $5-10 entry fees and receiving in return, rejection after rejection and saying to myself, if I want to give away five bucks, I'll send it to a Monrovian scammer instead...at least someone might eat 2 oz of macaroni instead of 1). That summer I read the poem "To Beirut" at Central School. I dressed in BHS school colors and had pom-poms (I dreamt of being a cheerleader way back in high school)...the poem features the Fight Song Onward Bisbee Onward Bisbee yadayadayada which, I actually sang to the audience.
Yeah, I still write a poem here and there but more importantly, I am happiest when I make something magic out of nothing. Like a kid with a magic wand, no one else has to believe in magic or for that matter, like cauliflower for me to know that as a human being, the Creator thought pretty highly of us humans, perhaps thought more of us than we even think of ourselves. We were created with free will and the ability to use our intellect in ways that dumbfound the rest of us and even, ourselves. We are given hearts and eyes and ears and taste buds if we only knew how astounding that when the Creator created us, the Creator said:
..even better than the angels.
Sure wish some folks would wake up to that human responsibility right now.
The Song of Bob
-MSwaid
(for Fred Tarr and the Radio Room)
The love affair with stangers began
with morning glories between us, Bob
went to work at the prison at 6:30
as the birds performed their last songs.
He quieted Sarge, Berry and Coco with biscuits
before he left with his radio
on, yet they started barking before
he reached the first stop sign.
I want to be his wife forever they thought,
I thought and we kept barking,
as we chased his car for all time in our minds.
Bob talks to his ex 1500 minutes a month,
he doesn't seem to mind the cost of his past tense.
Why didn't you just stay married? I am
pretty too behind this fence made of chain-mail.
Twenty-one years is all he says
from the screened-in back porch where he keeps
his old partners, ex-police dogs, his detritus.
It is as if 21 years is the official
Americana. There must be one
hundred morning glories from me
to Bob, outflanking the trees
choking them slowly. Bob wants me
to be his wife forever, waiting in my war
torn house next door so he can get home
from prison to say goodnight and wake up
again to say good morning all over.
I am the last sweetheart in town.

We Had No Shadows

-Happy people in a happy world.  Wallace Stevens, Auroras of Autumn



In the beginning we put the sun


up 


in the corner and the grass

a green line across 

the bottom of the page

and a house. The house had

a window, a door

neither could be opened.

There would be a flower

or two or three or four

until we tired of the trying

after the yellow one broke.

Everything was there,

everything that mattered:

beauty, rest, warmth, food, safety

perhaps a God that showed

the 19 fingers outstretched 

and at times

there would be a bird

an M hanging 

a whole big flock of Ms

and at times the rain

shot-fell like sticks

through the air

impaling the hard won star

which wasn't a star

which wasn't the sun

however convinced we were.



 The age at which suddenly becomes suddenly

the light changes and they, the siblings, 

the parents turn to ash and ghost, 

their mementos carry pieces 

forward to balance helix

 on fingertip

scenes 

and clips

meant 

to exist 

only

for 

while 

in

last

little 

drips.