12.1.19

The story of Kenneth Place 

Backstory of the day I discovered the backstory of my own backstory of yet another person's backstory which tweaked my interest.  We're all so famous it seems.

I am opting to copy paste here as things tend to go missing on the internet...this is the husband of my midwife...I always knew something wasn't quite right about him:


Doesn't Anybody Know How To Be a Fugitive Anymore?

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For nearly three decades, his wanted poster described him as ''armed and dangerous.'' But the clean-shaven man in the federal penitentiary here in Florence, Ariz., looks more like an aging Boy Scout. He wears the mud-brown polyester-cotton shirt and pants that are standard-issue prison garb. There is a pair of black reading glasses in his only pocket, and his blue canvas sneakers are the slip-on kind -- no laces allowed. After all those years in Birkenstocks, the closed-toe shoes feel odd on his feet. More disorienting still is his bare wrist. If he'd been wearing a watch when he turned himself in, he would have been allowed to keep it. But there are strict rules about what may be sent into a penitentiary.

Time looms large in prison. The trick, the man says, is not to focus on it, and he is better at that than he was during his first, brief lockup a lifetime ago. But the threads of his world are tangled up in time. Five years: the federal sentence he is serving. Thirty years: the distance between this serene spring morning and the chaotic night of the crime. Twenty-eight years: the gap between the life he fled, in the fall of 1972, and the one that is now unraveling.

Today marks three decades since Richard Nixon expanded the Vietnam War to include Cambodia, and May 4 is the anniversary of the death of four students at Kent State University, shot by National Guardsmen during protests over that war. In the weeks after Kent State, demonstrators burned at least 32 R.O.T.C. buildings, including one at Washington University in St. Louis. Howard Mechanic, a 22-year-old senior, was in the crowd watching those flames, his face all but hidden by a bird's nest of hair and a scruffy beard.

Someone lobbed a cherry bomb toward the clustered firefighters that night. No one was hurt when the firecracker exploded. No damage was done. Howard Mechanic was charged with that crime (he denied it then and still denies it now) and was the first person in the country to be found guilty under a harsh 1968 law designed to quell campus protests. The sentence was five years, and when all his appeals were exhausted he skipped bail and disappeared.

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In February he was caught. He was living where he has been for 28 years, in plain sight, in and around the tony and conservative town of Scottsdale, Ariz. He probably would be there still had he not done something audacious or nave, depending on your point of view. Using his assumed name, Gary Tredway, Howard Mechanic ran for elective office. In a move ripe for Freudian analysis (''Was I secretly hoping to get caught?'' he asks. ''I don't believe that I was''), he became a candidate for the Scottsdale City Council. And when a local reporter came asking questions for a standard candidate profile, he told her his secrets -- and then asked her not to tell them to anyone else.

Why on earth did he run for office? He took the risk, he says, because his past seemed a world away. So far away that he'd forgotten how to spell his given name (when he surrendered, and signed Howard Lawrence Mechanic for the first time since 1972, he could not remember whether his middle name had a ''w'' or a ''u''). So far away that, despite frequent visits by the Federal Bureau of Investigation to his twin brother in California (where agents snapped photos of one brother so they would know what the other looked like), he didn't really believe that anyone would still care.

But we do. When the Chicago Seven defendant Abbie Hoffman surrendered after six years posing as an environmentalist named Barry Freed; when the Black Panther accomplice Katherine Ann Power turned up as a restaurateur named Alice Metzinger; when the Symbionese Liberation Army member Kathleen Soliah was found living as a doctor's wife (and sometime actress) named Sara Jane Olsen; when the former Weatherman Bernardine Dohrn emerged as if from nowhere after a decade underground -- each of those times we were startled by their ability to yank us back into the past. The 60's spill into the Zeroes, and each fugitive who resurfaces from that most turbulent of times forces us to probe the wounds and find that they still have not healed.

They cause us to ask other questions too. What does it take to abandon one life and cloak yourself in another? Can you live without a past, with no connection to a former self, or does the real ''you'' -- in Mechanic's case a pacifist-entrepreneurial-vegetarian environmentalist -- always win out?

If anyone could have faded away and blended in, it should have been Howard Mechanic. Those who knew him in college describe him as quiet and bookish, the type who might easily get lost in a crowd. ''I wouldn't describe him as a leader,'' says Phillip Koch, now a filmmaker in Chicago, who roomed with Mechanic in their senior year at Washington University. ''There were others on campus who were . . . better at that.''

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In other words, he wasn't a radical or a militant. Not S.D.S. or S.L.A. or Weatherman. He was just a kid shaped by a moment and drawn to a cause. So while it is tempting to lump him with Abbie Hoffman or Kathleen Soliah, his story is more disquieting than theirs. True, he said things back then like, ''The law, courts and pigs protect the propertied interests'' (part of his statement just after his conviction) and ''All you have to do is read a little Marx and you'll figure out how it's all going to turn out'' (a memorable comment to a classmate). And, true, his hair was as godawful as 60's hair could get. But strip the blandishments of the era away and what's left is an earnest, smart, somewhat awkward nerd who got the book thrown at him. A nerd who was caught because, after 28 years of lying, he turned out to be a surprisingly lousy liar.

Which is why, later this week, while others march with candles to commemorate Kent State, Howard Mechanic will be in jail -- a man still caught in a time warp, and wondering about the time.

''Call me Howard,'' he says, taking a molded plastic seat in the stark white visitor's room at the start of our two-and-a-half-hour visit. ''It's my legal name,'' he adds, ''but I'm still getting used to it.'' He was first given his name 52 years ago, on Feb. 21, 1948. His father, Ralph, owned an appliance-repair business; his mother, Rose, was a homemaker. His twin brother, Harvey, says he and Howard were ''nice Jewish boys,'' living in the comfortable Cleveland suburb of Shaker Heights. ''We were both National Merit Scholarship finalists,'' Harvey recalls with pride more than three decades after the fact.

In 1966, Howard Mechanic enrolled at Washington University, where one focus of student wrath was the R.O.T.C. training program. In March 1970, the university got a court injunction against any future demonstrations, and Mechanic was one of several students specifically named in that injunction. The court order didn't stop him on the night of May 4, 1970, however. It seemed as if nothing could stop the rage that night. Around the country, thousands of National Guardsmen were deployed on hundreds of campuses as 250 colleges went on strike. At the University of Chicago, students dug trenches to protect themselves against the troops. At Wabash College in Crawfordsville, Ind., one protester set himself on fire. Three students were stabbed in the bedlam at the University of New Mexico at Albuquerque.

And at Washington University, as many as 3,000 protesters gathered to watch the R.O.T.C. building go up in flames, chanting ''Burn, baby, burn'' and ''Kent State, Kent State.'' The blaze, later ruled to be arson, went unchecked after firetrucks were turned back by rock-throwing demonstrators. Mechanic was in the crowd, along with his girlfriend. According to his federal trial testimony, their evening began at about 10 o'clock at a rally in the university quadrangle, where a series of speakers denounced the invasion of Cambodia. At midnight, ''a large portion of that crowd went to the R.O.T.C. building,'' he testified, ''and I went with that crowd.'' He did not cause any property damage that night, he said. Nor did he throw anything. He specifically denied that he had thrown a cherry bomb. ''I can't remember when the last time was that I had a cherry bomb,'' he said. ''I have seen them.''

Mechanic's first conviction was on state charges for contempt of court -- attending the rally in violation of the injunction. The four and a third months he spent in the county jail on that charge (shortened from six months when he was given time off for good behavior) were the foundation for his later decision to flee. The guards, he says, ''were ex-military'' and did not take well to a kid charged with protesting the war. ''I had one guard who would say if he gets a chance he's going to take me out and shoot me.''

The contempt trial was followed by a federal trial, and there Mechanic made history. In 1968 Congress had approved the Civil Obedience Act which prohibits a person from interfering with ''any fireman or law enforcement officer'' who is doing his job ''during the commission of a civil disorder.'' A civil disorder is defined as disruption or damage caused by a group of three or more people.

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Mechanic was the first person ever tried under the act, and a reading of the trial transcript shows the government's case to be anything but airtight. Nineteen prosecution witnesses were called. Only one of them actually testified against Mechanic. Most were firefighters, police officers and news photographers who established that there had been more than three people in the crowd. The one man who claimed to have seen Mechanic with a cherry bomb was a law student named Donald R. Bird. He died in 1983.

Bird's testimony was far from convincing. First he said he saw the cherry bomb in Mechanic's hand. Then he said he saw it only after it left ''the person of Howard Mechanic.'' At one point Bird acknowledged that the cherry bomb ''could have come, perhaps, from someone standing about five or six feet behind.''

Mechanic was sentenced to five years in federal prison for an act that, in a less volatile era, might have resulted in a slap on the wrist. For a year and a half, Mechanic appealed. The federal Court of Appeals agreed that Bird was ''a highly partisan witness who desired to see the defendants convicted,'' but the conviction was allowed to stand. In 1972, the Supreme Court declined to hear the case and Mechanic was ordered to surrender.

He fled instead, later mailing his parents a note that said he would be in touch. He also left one of his professors in a lurch -- an English professor who had put up his home as collateral for Mechanic's $10,000 bail.

''I just didn't think I should serve five years,'' Mechanic says. ''People think, 'Well, this is what you have to do and you don't have a choice.' I did have a choice. So I took the choice.''

When he was 12 years old, Howard Mechanic began collecting stamps -- commemorative envelopes canceled at Cape Canaveral at the time of one or another space flight. He also collected autographs of all the astronauts. He had one postcard signed by Yuri Gagarin, the first man in space, and another signed by all seven of the original Mercury astronauts.

While his case was being appealed, he sold the stamps. By the time his final appeal was rejected, he had raised $4,000. With the cash in his pocket, he boarded a bus, expecting to settle in Albuquerque. But when he got there, the weather was too cold, so he got back on the bus and stayed on until Phoenix.

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He liked that the city was not a radical place. ''I was trying to stay away from radical politics,'' he says, and in the land of Barry Goldwater (and later, John McCain) there were fewer temptations. He settled, at first, in the college town of Tempe, where a 24-year-old could easily blend in. Getting used to his new name (he refuses to say where he got his identity or divulge any details that might incriminate others) took about six months. Getting rid of the nightmares -- being hunted, being caught -- took more than 10 years.

The most difficult part, he says, was having to ''minimize my abilities.'' He could show no proof of having graduated from college; nor was there any way to act on his acceptance to Boston University law school, which he believes revoked its acceptance after his conviction. Yet he found it hard to be anything but well educated and outspoken. His first job was as a shelf-stocker in a health-food store, and he apparently didn't do well at keeping his mouth shut. ''My boss thought I was trying to take his job,'' he says. Eventually he went into business on his own, as a local distributor for several national health-food products. He also invented a gadget that allows people to fill empty pill capsules with home remedies.

He had become a strict vegetarian in college and was drawn to an organic-food-buying club in Tempe. During the 70's it grew into the Gentle Strength Co-op, and Tredway became a member of the board. In 1977, he met a college student named Ingrid Gold at the co-op, where she was working parttime as a cashier. While they were dating, they protested the building of the Palo Verde nuclear plant together, Gold remembers, but unlike some other protesters, they were careful not to trespass and risk arrest.

Gold and Tredway were married in 1980, and their son, Ari, was born in 1981. By 1985 they were divorced, because, Gold says, he was a better person than she was willing to be. ''You know about his life,'' she says, referring to her ex-husband's lack of interest in things material, ''and you've seen me.'' We are at a bistro outside Scottsdale when she says this, and she's dressed in a chic pantsuit and tasteful but glittery jewelry, her copper hair stylishly cut. ''Let's just say one of us wanted to move on.''

Which doesn't mean that Tredway was standing still. He had a knack for business. He invested in a line of homeopathic products, then put the profits in an auto-resalvage business -- buying wrecked cars at insurance auctions and fixing them up (with new identities, if you will) for resale.

After a falling out with the partner who did the actual work, he bought the Abode, a modest 12-unit apartment-hotel for Arizona snowbirds, where he installed solar hot-water heaters. In many ways he was a tightwad, buying most of the furnishings for his hotel, including towels, at swap meets. But he prided himself on never turning out a tenant who fell behind -- remembering the professor who stood to lose his home when Howard Mechanic disappeared.

More than five years ago, Tredway placed a personal ad in a local alternative weekly, looking for a ''left-thinking, nonsmoking, vegetarian social activist.'' Janet Grossman answered that ad, and they have considered themselves ''life partners'' ever since. Grossman, who is partial to Guatemalan blouses and embroidered hair bands, works for the Community Housing Partnership, a nonprofit group that rents apartments to low-income tenants. She loved everything about Tredway from the start, she remembers, save for one thing. ''His name,'' she says. ''I called a friend after we first met and said, 'I really don't like the name Gary.'''

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During his years with Grossman, Tredway became bolder. Or, put another way, he inched closer to revealing his true self. He regularly wrote letters to the local newspapers protesting things like the use of public tax money to finance arenas for private sports franchises. He worked to help pass the state's Clean Elections Act, a ballot initiative that eliminates corporate donations to political campaigns. (The measure has since been declared unconstitutional and is being appealed.) While spearheading the public campaign to support the act, he allowed himself to pose for a newspaper photograph. He was also interviewed on local cable TV. Each step brought the spotlight closer, and when no one recognized him, it was easier to take the next, larger step.

''I was getting a higher and higher profile,'' he says. ''I felt it was a risk but I was trying to make some positive changes for the city.'' Eventually, fellow activists began urging him to run for City Council, and he found himself agreeing. ''It was like you're on a train,'' he explains. ''The train is going in a certain direction and you can actively get off the train, but people want you to stay on.''

Politics, Grossman believes, is what Howard Mechanic would have done had his life worked out differently. ''He's really a very political person,'' she says, eyes filling with tears. ''I've accused him sometimes of caring more about politics than he does about me. Scottsdale City Council is very small potatoes for what I think he could have done had his life 30 years ago not led him to where he is.''

B ack in 1970, Ben Zaricor was president of the student union at Washington University. He didn't know Howard Mechanic well, but he followed the cherry bomb trial, and he knew that his classmate had fled. In 1973 or '74, Ben Zaricor was attending a National Nutritional Foods Association convention in San Diego. ''I turned a corner and there he was, standing there in sandals,'' says Zaricor, who now owns Good Earth Teas and Restaurant Services, based in Santa Cruz, Calif. ''I recognized him immediately,'' he says, even though the man was now named Gary Tredway.

Over the years, Mechanic says, just 12 people came to know his secret. The only condition of our interview was that he would not name them, for fear that they might be charged with aiding a fugitive. Mechanic did not tell me about Zaricor; I tracked him down myself and found him eager to describe how he decided to protect a friend. ''I went over and introduced myself,'' he says of the health-food convention. ''Howard never asked me, 'Are you going to turn me in?' He knew I wouldn't just by the way I acted.''

For many years after that, the men were in close touch. They spent summers together in California when Mechanic wanted to escape the heat of Arizona. Periodically, Zaricor brought his son to Phoenix to see the Oakland A's at baseball spring training.

For Zaricor, who was himself once suspended from campus for participating in a nonviolent demonstration, the friendship with Mechanic was his chance to right a wrong. ''I felt like we'd both been through a war together at Washington University,'' he says. ''Students were followed, our phones were tapped, we were thrown in jail. Howard was still a prisoner of that war.''

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For Mechanic -- who often had to avoid Hare Krishnas, because his twin had joined the sect and the Krishnas might mistake him for Harvey -- the friendship with Zaricor was a rare chance to be with someone who knew the whole of him. But it also reminded him that discovery could lie around any corner. This secret was not the kind you'd tell a buddy over a beer. The simplest question could lead to a thicket of answers, so he avoided even simple questions. What looked like aloofness was just a man biting his tongue.

Those who have known him for years (or thought they knew him) now find themselves thinking of conversations they never had. Sherry Bohlen, for instance, worked with Tredway on the liberal newsletter The Current and doesn't once remember ''having a discussion with him outside of the project at hand.'' Bohlen and her husband adopted a Vietnamese orphan in 1975, their own private attempt to right what they saw as a national wrong. When most people learn about her son, she says, it sparks a conversation. Tredway never said a word.

David Winkler, a Phoenix insurance claims supervisor -- and, by coincidence, a 1972 graduate of Washington University -wrote about human rights for The Current. Tredway was his editor. Winkler never recognized his fellow alum, but Tredway, he now knows, recognized him. ''Right before he turned himself in, he called and asked me if I had ever figured it out,'' Winkler says.

The few times Tredway told his secret was when he had no other choice. ''I was forced by circumstances,'' he says. ''Things are discovered, certain things lead to certain other areas, and you try to explain it so it doesn't cause a problem.''

In other words, he would tell when he was about to be found out. His former wife, Ingrid Gold, will not discuss what she knew when, but she was apparently still in the dark when their son was born in 1981. ''I said, 'You have one last name, I have another; which one should we give the baby?''' she says. It was intended as a feminist provocation, but instead Tredway quickly agreed that the boy should take his mother's name. ''I didn't understand then,'' she says, ''that his name meant nothing good to him.''

Janet Grossman also declines to talk about when she learned the truth, but she agrees that she knew by February of this year, when Tredway's secret unraveled. Penny Overton, a fresh-faced but dogged investigative reporter for The Tribune, in Scottsdale, was assigned to write a standard candidate profile, and she was not happy it. She'd been called off the really hot story at the time -- the discovery of a headless torso in a Scottsdale trash bin -- to write pap about a ''very bland man.''

Tredway seemed edgy, Overton remembers. ''Don't worry,'' she told him. ''This is the easy part. We're just going to make sure you are who you say you are.'' That was when Tredway began to sweat, soaking his shirt within minutes.

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Still thinking the problem was first-time-candidate nerves, Overton began with her friendliest questions. ''Tell me about your family,'' she asked. ''Where did you grow up?''

Tredway said he was an orphan, adding that he didn't want to talk about it.

''Tell me three stories, then, about your life, about how you got where you are,'' she says she asked. ''C'mon, everyone has three stories.''

Tredway had only one, Overton says, about a business trip to China in the early 70's.

Overton left that afternoon ''exhausted from having to beg and plead for things that most politicians are trying to palm off on you all the time.'' Tredway paged her several times during the next few days, checking on the status of her investigation and sounding increasingly agitated. When they next met, Grossman was also present, and Overton guessed that Tredway was ''so white bread'' that he was worried that a profile would include the fact that the couple were living together.

''No, I don't think that's why we asked you to come,'' Grossman said.

''I'm not who you think I am,'' Tredway said. ''I'm not Gary Tredway.''

He was a fugitive, he explained, outlining his crime but not telling her his real name or the name of his school. When he decided to run for City Council, Overton says he told her, he and ''a small group of friends'' had faked a resume, choosing as his alma mater Franconia College, in New Hampshire, because it closed in 1978. (He now says he wrote the resume alone.) But once he realized Overton was planning to check, he told her, he panicked.

For the next few hours, sitting by the pool at the Abode, Tredway begged Overton not to tell. At one point, he dug out his tax forms to show that he had been earning about $100,000 a year, paying his full share of taxes and giving 25 percent of his income to charity. ''Now you understand why you can't write about me,'' he said, crying quietly. ''You'll send me to jail. You can either be a good reporter or a good person.''

He told her all this, he now says, because he thought she would protect his secret. After all, no one else he told had turned him in. ''I thought I could get her off the story,'' he says. ''It almost worked.''

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Overton briefed one editor, then spent the weekend hiking in the Ajo Mountains, near Mexico, and agonizing over what to do next. She finally decided that because Tredway was running for office she was obligated to report what she knew. Tredway spent that same weekend on the computer. He reasoned that if he dropped out of the race he would not be a public figure and the paper might leave him be. But he needed a compelling reason for withdrawing, and he surfed medical sites looking for a disease that would serve as his excuse.

On Monday morning, when Overton returned to the office, she found a statement from Tredway to his supporters, announcing he had leukemia and would not run. What followed was a circus. The City Council was planning a moment of silence for Tredway. The paper's political reporter was planning a column about how the man was ''too pure for politics.''

Tredway's final lie, rather than giving Overton second thoughts, made her more certain. ''He's not dying, he's lying,'' she announced to anyone who would listen, then wrote her story.

Carter Revard is the professor of literature, now retired, who put his house up as collateral for Howard Mechanic's bond. When the young man skipped town, Revard received a letter saying his home would be taken unless he could repay the $10,000. A fund was set up by Revard's colleagues -- Mechanic's father sent a check for $2,000 -- and the professor did not lose his home.

All these years later, Revard is still furious -- but not at Mechanic. ''You tell Howard that I support him completely,'' he told me. ''They gave him five years for a cherry bomb while they were handing out Medals of Honor for dropping napalm on civilians. I think the people who should be in jail are the people who prosecuted him.''

Others are less forgiving. Bob Metcalf was a 27-year-old University City fireman on the night of the R.O.T.C. fire, and he arrived on campus to find ''a riot.'' The pumpers ''could have gotten that fire out when we first got there,'' says Metcalf, who is now the chief of the same fire department, ''but they wouldn't let us do our job.'' To dismiss Mechanic's crime as ''just a cherry bomb,'' he says, is to dismiss the people who were its intended targets. ''He could have killed me,'' he says.

Opinion is divided in Scottsdale too, where Gary Tredway received more than 1,300 votes for City Council, even while Howard Mechanic sat in prison. His supporters argue that the charitable life he led over the past 28 years should mitigate his punishment. The state's chapter of Common Cause has created a Web site where people can log examples of Mechanic's good deeds. ''He seems to have joyfully sentenced himself to a life of community service,'' writes Dennis Burke, the executive director of Arizona Common Cause. ''It will be up to a judge to determine if that has been enough.''

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Mechanic's critics, on the other hand, are far more troubled by his more recent activities than by his original crime. A civic group known as We Love Scottsdale points out that running for office under an assumed name is election fraud, and that the ''small group of friends'' who may have helped him fabricate a resume are guilty of the same offense.

''Our city should aggressively prosecute Gary Tredway for false filings, fraudulently collecting contributions, illegally filing false papers with the city and numerous other criminal offenses,'' says a statement issued by the group. ''But Scottsdale must also actively pursue the others in his group who . . . conspired to rob our citizens of their voting rights.''

Mechanic may well face charges of campaign violations, state officials have said. Already he has been charged with using a false Social Security number to obtain an Arizona driver's license, which carries a penalty of up to 5 years, and making a false statement in the application for a passport, which carries a penalty of up to 10 years.

As for his original five-year prison term, he is in a most unusual legal bind. Other Vietnam-era fugitives fled before they were tried. Later sentences were handed down in a more forgiving time. Katherine Ann Power served six years for helping to rob a bank and kill a police officer. Bernardine Dohrn pleaded guilty to aggravated battery and jumping bail, was fined $1,500 and was placed on three years' probation. Silas Bissell hid for 17 years, then served 1 1/2 years at a federal halfway house for conspiring to bomb an R.O.T.C. building at a different campus. David Fine, who planted a homemade bomb at the University of Wisconsin in 1970, killing a physicist, spent only three years in prison after being caught in 1976. Only Howard Mechanic faces a sentence meted out in another era. He has run out of appeals. His case has already been heard by every court short of the Supreme Court, meaning his best hope -- and it is a long shot -- is a presidential pardon.

Does he wish he served the time in the first place, I asked him, and have been done with all this?

No, he says, because he would not have emerged as the person he is today. Five years, he says, fiddling with the bare spot on his wrist, is much longer to a 22-year-old than it is to a 52-year-old. He is stronger now, more able to weather this storm.

''I'm not going to try to 'what if' my life,'' he says, ''but I think I made the right decision at the time.''

7.1.19

Straw Hat Meets Paul Bunyan at the Johnny Appleseed Farmer's Market

If this is what it takes to publish, I'm out.  This is the formulaic, what is expected delivery of a tract house in Orange County.  The fish in there is bland, swimming in a bloody lake of pomegranate juice for crying out loud.  After reading it, I couldn't even burp.

In The Son in Law, a short story by Nahid Rachlin (am I to believe this is how we get closer to Iran? liberal style?), Ms. Rachlin arbitrates a overly long insulting look at American men who wear blue jeans and 'over shop' just after playing roughly with their toddlers.  One paragraph would have sufficed and it would read, "Intellectual Savek era Iranian exiles working in the Ivy League industry of law and books are above love and find time to cherish a look back with their eyes wide closed to the bitter poverty of the Shell Oil Company and R. J. Reynolds Tobacco, Inc in order to dismiss the fourth grade reading level of Trump supporters who read US News while taking heavy gulps of MJB between bites of Pillsbury Toaster Strudel (apple of course).  And then they decide to bounce their grandchild on their knee."

I think of Reagan's token of appreciation sent to the Shah.  A machine that printed actual one hundred dollar bills.  Legitimate one hundred dollar bills, perhaps a myth but all the same.  Knowing what the Bush Family did to aid Saddam Hussein pretty much substantiates the nefarious activities between the Republican Party and the 'regimes'.  Even Carter played his part in the neverending story of 'since the car was invented and oil discovered' Great American Novel.

Being who I am and knowing what I know, I am forced to wonder, is this an exile from Khomeini, one of those poor formerly wealthy Shahbites who, if truth be told, likely has the sophistication of a wealthy teenager from any number of elitist left wing high schools that pepper so much of this country   And write so much of this countries literary trash.

Lines like, "Their English was inadequate and their expertise, hers in Iranian history and his in criminal law, didn't transfer to the new job market. They worked at un-challenging jobs, she as a hairdresser and he for a mail order plant and garden equipment company," demonstrate, at least to me that never was there a time where assimilation translated to such complete unadulterated hypocrisy.

I came upon Ms. Rachlin's name amongst a bevvy of would be writers while looking into the whereabouts of an old, um, friend.  Who has recently broken a leg in a couple of places after being run down by a car, karma style.  I also noticed his stairway to literary heaven placed a few Arabic tomes just below Dante.  I had to wonder when he might let that go, the war that was 'all about' me.  Speedy recovery sir!  

I searched for at least one of her short stories to determine if I'd found a pot of gold.  To have finally found an Iranian writer who could tell the truth, not only about Iran but about her self.  And I wasn't truly disappointed.  Only perhaps in my own hard desire to find a legitimate writer instead of one of these narrative creators who are enlisted by the status quo of the academia minded and controlled publishing houses.  The 110% of which are left leaning liberal fascists that have about as much love for the real culture of post Khomeini Iran as they do for John motherfucker Bolton.  

Read it for yourselves and depending on how you like your tacos con cabeza, I guarantee you, you'll be delighted either way.  By the story or by this biting review.

http://www.cortlandreview.com/issue/81/rachlin_f.php?fbclid=IwAR1jAPlPBTTQecwkqYg40k41zqQ-7KUwGOjFqb5-YqW1e9_7dqlnsAnV5ng

9.10.18

PAPAL BULLSHIT FROM THE UN AND "ALL IN"

I hesitate to write things sometimes, I do anyway and then I spend a day or two regretting....not that I wrote down what was on my mind. In fact, sometimes things are important enough to transfer to a blog that I've run for over 15 years. Most things are lost into the subconsciousness that FB is. What I tend to regret, for lack of a better word, is the absolute understanding I have of living in a world where blindness to facts is becoming the norm, not the exception. Perhaps the facts and variables have become too numerous or complicated to fathom for the majority of people. I have found that arguing with willfully blind people is useless and produces animosity all around. I have also found that some people are unwittingly blind, mostly due to altruism to a 'perceived' common good and some, due to direct instructions from the 'higher ups' in the 'perceived common good'. Yet another type of willful blindness is solely reliant on financial/material gain. That kind of deliberate blindness is the truly unforgivable kind and embodies a sociopathic gaslighting of others in order to perpetuate more blindness and therefore, more financial/material gain. That's the kind that can eventually get a person onto a guillotine as was the case with Antoinette, Marie. Perhaps the devolution of societies and entire civilizations is a direct result of defective, erosive, blatant and imposed by authority 'blindness'.

Blindness is a subjective cognitive dissonance. It is our innate sensitivity to hypocrisy (real or imagined), in ourselves, in others and in civilization as a whole. It is an integral part of our 'social fit' in terms of group belonging, strength and if we are instructed to not communicate understandings between one another, we are doomed to a hopelessly downward trajectory as 'nations'. I'd say the most common areas in which cognitive dissonance has become a societal problem are not only increasing in their intensity but in their ability to cause societal damage. Some of those areas are: religion, politics and science. I place them in that order however it is much more likely that science is second only to religion in this. Sadly, we live in a civilization that has been conditioned to separate not only "church and state" (even waging wars to force others to swallow this extreme, killing them relentlessly if they don't) but to separate religion from that which religion is meant to legislate i.e. the 'state' and the 'universe'. As a muslim of course, I know for certain that without the state (politics) and the universe (science), "god" as such has literally no reason to exist at all. And I beg to differ. I either missed the memo or as a whole, others missed not just the memo but the entire operational handbook. I assure you, I missed nothing. What is more, we as muslims share this certainty with a whole contingent of other people in other 'religions' for lack of a better word. I urge those people to put aside their petty complaints about the personification of the unseen, their ideas of saviors and multiple sources for the same damn thing..... If only for the few minutes it will take to hear me out.

We live in a time where society has exiled their own creator to the sidelines. And it shows. We are ALL IN whether we know so or not. I refer to an important Quranic analogy about the sun and the moon being asked (by God) whether they would submit 'willingly or unwillingly'. Both replied, willingly. Neither of them were told to submit to humankind. Unlike the angels and the devils (djinn) who were ordered to follow specific directives. Angels follow immutable directives from God himself (and have no free will)and the djinn, follow directives both from "God" and from mankind. I assure you, they isn't too happy about that either. Unfortunately, some people got that a bit mixed up and believe the devils can control human beings. They can't but they will help humans to do the wrong thing if the human is so inspired to do so. And look around you. Many of them are doing exactly that...with seemingly magical means of ordering people to do what they are supposedly told to do. Like believe in Global Warming in spite of evidence to the contrary. Big evidence.

In this case I will again comment on a matter that presented itself and live with my own regrets as I see fit. Apparently yesterday, an article appeared in alot of FB feeds. It caused an acquaintance of mine some consternation because as an artist/activist/scientist, they didn't want to talk about it.. It was yet another man made global warming fear mongering article. I didn't take it seriously but many people did. People on both sides of the issue. Some people literally made videos about the idea that the article suggested an armageddonist message....from the left or rather the so called "left" which is peopled much more by agnostics/athiests than it is from theists and their ilk. So, regretfully I must respond to this gag order communicated to me by an innocent activist/artist/scientist who appears to be trying to follow the instructions the article gave. The article which disingenuously attached Trump and coal (unpopular things to liberal people) to scientific prophecy. Not for lack of a better word because science is prophecy. Like it or not.

The article originated from the United Nations, the same UN which has failed the Palestinian people over and over and over, turning blind eye after blind eye to state terrorism in numerous countries like Rwanda Cambodia and East Timor to name only a few. The same UN which sponsored one of the largest all-country burglaries WITH bribery programs (Food for Oil headed by the discredited Kofi Annan) in Iraq based on false evidence of WOMD which were never ever found. The agency that continues to aid and abet the ongoing wars on Arab people being waged by some seriously bad international actors (Israel, USA, Saudi Arabia). The UN that turns a blind eye to the starvation and suffering of the Yemeni people. And now, they hope to "save us all"....from ourselves? Are you kidding me?

The "global warming" article is "peer reviewed" but only by the "peers" embedded in the IPCC (a special branch of the UN) which is literally paid to prove global warming versus doing things the way they are actually done in science by considering all the variables (like the little tiny fireball in the sky known as the sun). In science, theories are tested and if they survive, are used to provide 'predictability' (prophecy). Few if any 'theories' are ever determined to be "settled" and that applies right on down to the theory of the speed of light. Yes. Some people don't know this but in science there are things known as Constants which are not constant at all. What has been determined, sometimes even by the researchers who discovered these hard core variables in the first place, is that CONSTANTS actually CHANGE over time and are dependent on a multitude of other variables, some of which are also these very same wayward "constants". E=MC squared is not the bedrock of all things we once thought it was. Worse, it can only remain constant if the universe has more than four dimensions (X, Y, Z and Time). The ones that we can actually study are truly very limited, as limited as the constants of 'religion' and the 'five' senses. The ones they create in mathematics (I refer to as mythematics) such as string theory (versus a much more likely 'theory of everything' known as the Electric Universe) are imaginary (the unseen world known as 'al ghaib' in Islam). Like "god" we can never ever know if they actually exist (through direct observation Big Bang-in-vivo versus God sitting on a cloud-o) and have no hope of actually studying an outcome...except...through mythematics which implies both logic and reason but doesn't actually prove it in real world evidence. Like the Big Bang which happened in the past and is utterly, entirely unobservable and developed mainly by Jesuit priest/scientists. All of those imaginary causes can only be observed indirectly and without direct observation, they will remain theories and for some (agnostics) that also applies to "god". No athiests then should legitimately support the Big Bang. That would be the most contradictory stance and quite laughable in terms of logical deductive reasoning. As well, many of these 'theories' are not what we call "reproducible" which in "science" is critical and much more so in what is known as "cosmology." Predictability, not the speed of light or other such "constants", is the real bedrock of science. Oddly enough, predictability is also the bedrock of religion. Imagine that! All religion, every single belief system on the planet concerns itself with one important thing and that is the 'future' and how we can avoid hardship in this life and beyond. By turning to the past.

Cosmology is the poorly veiled answer science has for "god". One of the best examples of 'god' in cosmology is what is known as the Universal Observer theory in which we can't even observe the data because when we do, we inadvertently change it. We change it through 'human interpretation' and through actual influence on subatomic particles (do we really or is this another excuse for things such as Bell's Theorem otherwise known as 'spooky action at a distance'?).

Climate as such is not only related to environmental factors (a blend of natural and man made (created using nature) influences) but more importantly, things way way out of human control in the realm of this same and 'godlike' cosmology. Not only out of human control but mostly outside of our ability to even observe it, forget even theorizing over it unless you accept that theories remain theories usually for eternity. Just like the afterlife.. If you don't think so then why does NASA spend so much money counting sunspots? Why has China just launched a new satellite that will provide vastly improved data sets regarding solar activity? What's the point of 'manned space flight' to planets that are as close as Naco is to Bisbee in the scheme of the Milky Way let alone the entire universe/multi-universes away from us? Why bother? Nothing here in Naco will tell you much at all about anything in Tokyo afterall.

Cut to the chase. We have now been told and many of us are dutifully following our marching orders which are being issued directly from the UN which has not provided more clean drinking water to the poor in the world. Instead, they have created more poverty (that THEN needs clean drinking water) in the world through numerous violent and state sponsored acts of aggression throughout the world by failing to hold the really seriously abusive states accountable (US/Israel). Benefiting not only from the war contracts that sprout up when serious issues are ignored but from the administration of recognizance in the aftermaths of these same wars...through so called "peace keeping missions". Marshall planning it all the way to the banks.

How on earth can anyone buy into this new weaponized doctrine of 'global warming' then? Since when has the UN done anything even remotely beneficial for anyone and even if they've had small successes, their large failures have cost millions the loss of life, liberty, wealth and sovereignty? How many times have they been caught red handed fostering war through institutionalized bought and paid for neglect? Not to mention, sex trafficking like that which was uncovered in one of their favorite hunting grounds called the Congo and Angola? Like the Catholic Church, the existence of this 'international flag ship of peace', it exists not because it is effective/honest/human centered but because it employs so many people and has self appointed itself to the 'human good' just like the popes appointed themselves to be 'god's representatives on earth' using smoke signals and insider trading. Some of these UN secular theologians are very highly paid having discarded all notions of that old useful vow of priestly poverty. Like members of the International Panel on Climate Change i.e. the IPCC who are treated to Enron-like island retreats and other career bonuses too numerous to mention in order that they continue to manufacture fake science. Fake SETTLED science. Who now are manufacturing this horrendously corrupt gag order by photographing a child next to the bones of an animal. They used to use sickly polar bears until National Geographic had to publish a retraction because polar bears are thriving. Increasing populations even.

Donald Trump appointed one of the most disgusting anti abortion, pro Israel/Zionist, pro death penalty monsters in modern history, Nikki Haley, who was just removed or resigned as I cross my t's and dot my i's today. Second only in terms of agregious appointments of John Bolton to National Security Advisor, who, if you ask me, has his own circle in Dante's hell right next to the Diablo himself. What on earth must be going on then?

That's the UN. Regardless of what you think about Dr. Ford's situation and that miserable catastrophe. No one batted an eyelash over Nikki Haley. Not. one. single. eye. lash. Not CNN, not FOX. Not the left that is too busy curtailing discussion about global warming and not the right that is too busy worrying about Alex Jones. Trust me, those two things are more related that you might imagine. And today, that awful David Gergen, CNNs answer to the burning man festival that the real rich and powerful men attend, owl oak lodge over in the redwoods...awful Gergen cited Haley as being a symbol of our 'stability'. To what? Zionism? He seems to be feeling the loss heavily.

But folks still want to love all this BS coming out of that monstrous agency known as the UN? Because if Donald Trump hates global warming, they must love global warming. They forget that Donald Trump has reoccupied the UN using people like Bolton and Haley. They like being scared and having others scare them. I'm here to tell you, you have your thinking caps screwed on and you've stripped the threads. It doesn't appear that many of you will ever be unable to unscrew your noggins because they are entirely jammed. I'm not at all surprised when in fact liberals embrace a policy coming out of a severely slanted and decidedly Bilderberg agency like the UN.

It's one thing to accuse human kind of using too many plastic water bottles and ruining the environment. It's a whole other parochially inspired nonsensical get-yourself-to-the-confessional and buy your tributes for the pope mentality when you believe that humans can change the actual climate, the cosmological climate that is so big that what happens on a star at the furthest reaches of just the tiny little Milky Way impacts the chlorophyll down in your little daffodil sanctuary next to your pot plants. Climate is not only God like, it has inspired many civilizations to build entire multilevel structures just to predict when the sun is going to rise in 20 years and some, in 20,000 years. I've come to a near conclusion that all that stuff about the Aztec calendar was real. It was real climate science, from the past, before we ran to the nearest Blockbuster to rent a copy of Back to the Future.

In Islam, we are instructed to go to the GRAVES. To study, in other words, ARCHAEOLOGY. The UN which has done its best to monopolize and cover the facts of the matter like the great flood and it might have been more than just one flood and I assure you, those floods wiped out entire civilizations and buried them with the fishes much like Obama hid the body of Osama. They will never be found. These cycles repeat themselves. No more and no less. Humans are not going to change anything about the climate, for the better or for the worse. When you are told that we caused it and we must change it, get out your pocket book because the next step in this grandiose robbery of mankind is going to be, we need to fix it. To fix it we (the cash strapped UN) not only need money but we need to inject the air with alot of crap like hail busting chemicGerman company was ordered to cease and desist by the Mexican government. Screw Nafta, clouds travel. Without passports.

Yes the climate is going to change. The beauty of this very rotten UN plan is that they knew that already. It's a win-win for them because they can always blame all that weirdly severe, early/late, record breaking snow on this poorly understood and studied only by those they pay to prove it MAN MADE global warming. They aren't really lying to you....global warming as a theory is truly 'man made'. I'd say it is MAN INVENTED and invented by some really corrupt 'men and women'. My challenge to people now then is to tell me how the IPCC explains volcanoes in this scheme of theirs. If volcanoes are not the smoking gun of predictability, I don't know what is. Mount St. Helens followed the ice storms in the 70s. It's right there in the record, we all lived it, most of us anyway. I guarantee you, global warming cannot answer this question, cannot provide you with your much deserved prophecy that stands between you and your death. Oddly enough, the solar minimums can and they've been giving that answer to mankind throughout history. The answer is: poof. Everyone and everything melts away leaving a few remnant structures that measure the sun's passage throughout very very long swatches of time. We too will melt or be buried standing in volcanic ash or fried in a burst of asteroid activity or hit on the head with baseball sized hail one day. Probably not tomorrow and certainly, telling anyone that in 2040 we are all going to die is not the business of Global Cooling folks.
We leave that to the Armageddonists at the UN IPCC who are putting the gun to your head and asking "all in"? No one is allowed a partial pass, just like all armageddonists who fail to comprehend that all things considered, who in the hell wants to survive that? How on earth is the UN going to save me? Or you? They clearly haven't managed to save all these other folks now did they?

There's an old saying.....never discuss RELIGION or POLITICS.

Now we must all abide by a third method of learning how to shut up and take it: we are no longer allowed to discuss the weather. Not from a rocking chair on the porch on a sunny day down in Georgia and certainly not in a conversation with a friend. Because through these various legislations emanating from a defunct piss poor church like the UN, things like SETTLED SCIENCE ARE ISSUED LIKE PAPAL BULLS to wide eyed, good hearted 'believers in science', Settled. Science.

28.9.18

It suddenly occurs to me, she refers to herself in third person using her given name. There is something innately wrong with this, as wrong as the use of the hippocampus to describe pearls to swine. Climate change can wait for today, today it is sunny and Sunday it will rain. We only need 48 hours of warning you know.

I woke up with a bad hangover. All that testimony left me feeling I might have chosen the wrong side of history again. They finally found that little girl who was strangled and left in the dirt, abducted from her bedroom by the assailant years ago. They also found a teenager whom he strangled.

Of course he raped them. Of course he did but we must wonder, since they are only bones and hair, was it before or after they died?

I'd like to be Louis CK right now or Bill Cosby. It's so close to home. She tells me he revealed another of the victims today, a would be polygamist who bought rings but not promises. A medical doctor no less. The bearer of the human torches we all ought to be but fall far, far short.

She refers to herself in the third person. She is never in the room in this act, always an observer or wanting to be observed. Like the hippocampus. The mysterious organ that rules all the planets or is 'thought to'.

Everyone is watching us all the time. We watch each other now, we count our numerous likes and even have a means for disliking each other without seeming to mean it as personal attack. We can delete this or that, we can edit it a little more and I assure you, the shot heard round the world kept me awake all night long. Because that wasn't a shot that was fired, it was a whole army marching into the fray, throwing themselves on their swords and remembering every last incident as if it were yesterday. I don't know but I am 100% certain about certainty. More like 50% in the virtue department. I know I am never wrong because no one truly purports to be wrong. Instead they just label it, dress it up with I'm sorry, no offense intended et cetera.

Those two girls pictures are on the front page of the free Mexican paper down at the store. I had no idea that the older girl was so beautiful. I love that the Mexicans do it this way, no holds barred. In other countries they show you the real photos. From car accidents to mass gang war shootings and beheadings. If life wasn't already so real I'd say, just wait, it's gonna get real, real soon.

Did I tell you I babysat and the kid's father cornered me in a garage, tried to feel me up and french kiss me? I got away. I got away from several sexual predators. Aren't they all? Hunters versus gatherers? I'm pretty sure I was raped but only if I change and insert a few variables. Pretend that I had not spent hours and hours in front of the mirror practicing to be a woman who needed a sperm donor.

She tells me now she hates them all. Her trust has been broken. Her ideals have been shattered. I want to say welcome to the club honey but instead I try to tell her: born alone, die alone, men = women. God's up there, here's the master copy of the test. Check it out. Yes, you were assaulted because you would never agree to do this if that variable were visible. But you see darling, they never are truly visible. Your windows are never really locked, your valuables are often stolen right from under your nose and it takes a good long time for you to see that they are missing. All those rights you did not really see as worth defending: your pussy. vagina. cunt. birth canal. Someone told you, told us all, that paying lip service to the labia is enough to physically guard it from invasion.

My mom's best friend Vera was raped with an ice pick. An ice pick. It left her barren. In more ways than one. She died a hopeless drunk with COPD.

Barbie refers to herself in the third person time and time again. As if she was never born, as if she will never die. As if the mechanics of the ruse are not as visible as they are. All that make up. We must all be clowns or geisha girls. We all have to side against the perpetrators or there must simply be something wrong with us. Because at the core of this problem is the fact that we are not in charge of our bodies anymore, like we were in the seventies and had guiltless sex. We are all molls in the mafia by now, dressed to the nines or naked. Forced to pretend that WASPs who go to binge drinking schools because their parents have money to burn were actually virginal girls in the safe confines of the cloister.

I'm surprised they did not attack the Jesuits too. I'll just throw that in for fun. Luckily, most of the nuns turned to each other. At least in my town they did. My best friend is a lesbian. She had five rotten step fathers in a row. Another person's father killed a man for assuming he was not just homeless but he was gay. The professor's body lay rotting in the tent for days before it was discovered.

We are on this wild pendulum ride now and there are no easy answers but the least we can do is not allow another pedophile strangler necrophiliac to live another day. By reducing our complaints to old stories of dry humps gone wrong. Or dads of the kids we babysat trying to indulge the fantasies engendered in them by Penthouse models with small tits wearing tiny kilts.

It's called a value system not a virtue system. We all know sexual abuse is wrong.












18.9.18

Assemblage of Resignation in Memoriam

Dear Ms.So and So,

I have finally decided to keep my word to you.  I want you to know that I spoke to Mr. Anderson last night and passed along your message.  Yes dear old girl, he is as you said, genuine.  You didn't actually say so however I did grasp that when you mentioned him every time I ever saw you, asking whether or not I knew him and that you hoped to call him and that meant he was not only genuine but you cared very deeply for him.  That in itself indicates he must have (in your book) good character.  I do wish I could have one more visit with you in order to explain what I have discovered about honey*.  I do want to witness to you that when I told him you had passed, Mr. Anderson bowed his head and made the sign of the cross.  I hope you received this response and it provides you with extended amounts of comfort.

Peace to you,

M





Honey has a memory.  These Fibonacci factories, the stars all the way down to the astrophysics labs of the Clovis, the neural networks of our minds, the pathways of the ants back home, the ants who have no horizons, Interstate 10 are all the same but if you peer at a few drops of honey in the bottom of a bowl filled with water, the map becomes quite clear.

I should start with the sound of a motorcycle that blasted through the Warren District at 2:30 am.  It was just me and him, even the dogs kept asleep.  There was no choice but to remain awake and continue down the road for a while with him until the apparition of his sound dissipated into the dark, to continue as it were, down the rabbit hole that ends with eternity.  The true anomaly of time that can only be described in parts, little bits and pieces, kite strings, ancient bone needles and projectiles by using pitiful metaphors and cliche or even lower than that.

Margueritte and I spoke of so many things yesterday.  We had not seen each other in several years but it was as if not a day had passed and if we'd had several days or even weeks, we'd not have any problem filling up our time with talk. Not just talk but ideas, as random as honey.  She called and needed a ride to the dentist in Naco, Son.  She was feeling dizzy and although it appeared to me that she could have made it there just fine without me, I jumped at the chance to enter her home and find what I was looking for.  I knew she had it before I got there although I didn't know what it was, let alone where it might be. I picked up this and that and examined several items closely, she offered to give me a few things, she offered to pay me for my trouble and I gave her my standard pay scale, "It's zero or a thousand dollars, take your pick."  Thus far, no one has paid me the thousand dollars for the small miracles they give me. She'd probably include me in her will if I asked her to because at 87 years old, people do some very strange things.  They realize perhaps that none of us are really strangers, no strings attached.  We communicate as well as the ants if not better.

As we sat in the waiting room she reminded me that her father was a psychopath and that she suffered greatly from his abuses.  She reminded me that she is a genius. Yes she fully admits to that without any indication that we aren't allowed to do that with each other, perhaps she doesn't know.  When we returned to her home I made sure she wrote down the schedule for her antibiotic.  I should have spoken with the Dentist to change it to clindamycin instead of ciprofloxacin so I did have to warn her to watch out.  Nurse to nurse, "I must warn you, " I said, even though it did frighten her a bit.  It helps to know that as well as a genius, she is also a nurse and a poet.  She is also a psychic or at least, between the two things called nursing and poetry, she can read minds or at least believes she can.  Well of course we can and that is why they pay us so poorly.  We all used to be nuns and some of us still are.

After examining a few things, I realized there was nothing in particular that I wanted or needed.  As a burglar in plain sight, someone who can gain the trust of others with unbelievable ease, I know what immense liability that puts on me. Most people have no idea, no concept of the anguish involved in a common cold when it kills a newborn infant.  It was hot in her home, the old evaporative air conditioner reminded me of those visits to Ms. So and So but only in retrospect as my mind dictates to my hand three hours after the motorcycle roared through town. Indeed, I needed to hurry home and get dinner prepared or at least thought of, the idea "conjured up" but Margueritte stopped me as I tried to leave telling her I had chorizo con res hidden in a paper bag in the back seat of my car, hidden from the immigration officer who might have been a little snoopy as we crossed back into "this country", the country where chorizo con res might not be allowed.  All the while the bees pour back and forth across the line spreading pollen hither, thither and yon.  She pointed to the strange wooden box hanging on her wall which I had noticed but not paid much attention to.  It was highly peculiar, no one would probably look at it the first time and say "Oh is that where you keep yours?"  She was right, there it was and that was what I was looking for.  Birds are expert musicians but some people do not realize that they also excel in the art of assemblage.  Like the secret of honey, most people do not have the time to observe up close the variety of styles in the installations the birds create that probably out-number us humans 10 to 1, each person entitled to ten of their masterpieces.  I have three including one pigeon (almost to frail to hold one let alone a brood), one hummingbird (packed as tight as diamonds) and another that someone told me was created by a common grackle.  Oh Margueritte was delighted as I told her of that one I found in which the bird, perhaps a grackle which would make sense because his nest was a collection of trash woven with what appeared to be great haste but in reality probably took the two birds days if not weeks to construct.  Just the name grackle indicates it might be some type of outsider artist, the type that tag the train cars in post modern (whatever that means) hieroglyphics.  Paper towels and pieces of string.  Found and precious objects of no particular use or significance to anyone save the resident artist.

So she assigned me the nest in her will, satisfied that she'd paid for our trip and correct in her assumption.  Of course, I'd already inherited that part of her estate although until then, like all prophetic moments, neither of us was aware of the transaction until after the exchange of heirlooms.  And just as I had wished for Ms. So and So's aluminum tumblers, the kind you would drink Kool Aid from as a kid in the hot summer.  Purple, pink, yellow and red metal as cold as the liquid within them.  Mr. Anderson, I have her tumblers in my mind and here, take them.  I'm sure she'd want you to have them.  Perhaps you used them yourself at one of your many visits that you must have made when she was a charity case, a young woman with a brain tumor. Like Margueritte announced her genius, Ms. So and So fully admitted to driving herself to chemo in Tucson several times a week back in the seventies, I think she said she drove a Firebird.  All alone, afraid but courageous, hoping not to die.  Five Nine Ninety Thirty Something is code for the moment in time that belongs to her and her alone.  Margueritte would appreciate all the numerology we are responsible for as servants in the industry.  I find I must resign from that responsibility now.  After all, we have artificial intelligence to take care of the honey comb of our professional problems and the portability and accountability act is just an act, a ruse that keeps us grounded in what is called 'reality'.  Truly we are all blessed and as if I wasn't impressed by the letters of St. Paul to the Corinthians, I say to the Catholics peace, we are all in the same boat from the earliest of peoples in the substrata at the Gault site in Austin to the final embryo that is yet to be conceived, we all are waiting to take that last breath and if there is one thing that matters, it is this:  artifact.  Not artifice and certainly not a man made mnemonic.  The thunder did not say: HIPAA, nor EOE nor even BCE.

We arrived very late to the final screening of Bisbee '17 as it opens nationwide in a theater near you, in Bisbee, AZ and in fact we didn't mean to go.  I'd spent the morning in the garden removing the Lavender Pit mine detritus, mucking out a hole in order to place a young peach tree although I might change my mind because they like corners or at least, I believe so.  I hope that clears up the mystery of where they put all that earth, all those beautifully colored rocks that symbolize PD, symbolize the dynamite, the technology of removal that now is hidden under the paths where train tracks up by the ballpark used to be.  La Traviesa told me that she was one of nine children and her father used to work on the railroads that carried raw material to the enormous smelters. Traviesa grew up in that little shack on the hill, perhaps you remember it Mr. Anderson. I've no doubt he helped with the deportation or at least, witnessed it, hid from it, escaped it. That track and that train is gone as is Traviesa, as is the world's greatest herbalist who finally succumbed to the indignity of dialysis, of technology, of having every blood cell counted and documented monthly in order to receive the pricey erythropoiesis stimulating agents.  As is Traviesa's nephew gone, he passed a few years ago. Our paths crossed when his body finally gave in to the disease of drug addiction, pertinent history includes failed maternal bonding and he was raised by a vast network of relatives.  He kept saying he felt as if bugs were invading his skin until at last we discovered the larvae under the cushions, the parasitic creatures anxious for the recovery of his body.  Blessings to him and blessings to his auntie who wandered in and out of my sight over the years, first at the side of La Traviesa and then at the mercy of her drug addled foster brother.  I drive by Traviesa's house sometimes and say Fatiha for her nephew, the Our Father, the For Thine Is The Kingdom, the Power and the Glory.  If only people knew, if only people understood the little bowls of ablution on either side of the aisle up at Saint Patrick's.  If only people knew the spells that we cast on the ones we hope to absolve, if only witchcraft were better understood and discarded as mimicry.

Yesterday though, I was exhausted from all the exhumation and my trip into Naco with Margueritte but since the director of the film came down and extended a personal invitation to my husband to attend the screening of Bisbee '17 in order to participate in the Q & A, we felt it was our duty and indeed, it was.  It turned out that it was my duty to reconnoiter with you Mr. Anderson.  I thought that you knew and thought I'd seen you beside her grave.  We were allowed to take a handful of dirt from a ceremonial vessel provided by the mortuary folk and layer it onto Ms. So and So's casket.  Her funeral was very well attended.  At the mass, the priest looked directly towards me and spoke to her sons who had surprised me with their profound level of grief as if they had lost a young child instead of an octogenarian. Even though he was speaking to her sons, what the priest said was directed specifically at me.  You see, I had made an agreement with Ms. So and So.  I am not sure if she was aware of it any more than if Margueritte was aware that I was there to commit a burglary yesterday and inherit her nest.  My agreement was to resign from nursing when Ms. So and So died, to leave the sullied convent that it has become.  She would be the last person I could ever care for professionally and mean it. I didn't know why I knew that but I knew it many years before she died and luckily told several people.  I'd already lost Shelly, the two Manuels, Ms. O moved to the city, all the old timers who might have been owed something by me had settled their debts and all that was left was Ms. So and So.  When she passed I didn't even need to remind anyone at all. They reminded me and said, "Remember what you said?" You see, I was having problems with my feelings about accountability, to be honest, my opinion about the accountability of others to the profession, the accountability of the profession to itself and the way the profession abandoned the church of nursing as it has.  I was working for an agency called Legacy.  I did not know that regardless of my self righteous feelings about my own dedication that my resignation had more to do with informing you of her death than it did with any so-called ethical disagreement with the proverbial health care system. The one that is so interested in protecting one's date of birth versus the one that actually only hopes to protect their own financial interests, as if this monolithic imposter is actually human. It is only coincidental that the agency is known as Legacy, as coincidental as being compelled to walk up to you Mr. Anderson last night with my message.  There are no accidents you know, none at all. Everything in time had to happen just as it did in order for me to tell you, Ms. So and So is gone. Everything without exception all the way down to the rocks that were removed from the mine, placed in my garden and created as if from nothing at the beginning of "time" for lack of a better word.

At the funeral mass in that little church back behind the main drag down there, the priest addressed Ms. So and So's sons and lauded them for calling him in time to give to her the last rites.  This was related to the same kind of surprise I had at the level of their grief which was incongruent with the facts because it was as if the priest needed to clear the air, perhaps over suspected non belief in her sons and I cannot say honestly that I would disagree on that point with the honorable representative of the Pope in Rome.  Ms. So and So had become quite burdensome in that last year, her dementia was so profound that her long term helper had to leave the room during her assignment and watch TV just to avoid the frustration and anger of dealing with a person whose memory appears to have been tampered with by time.  Ms. So and So began accusing all sorts of people of doing harmful things.  I believe that the priest was very much aware that her sons were hiding relief under the cloak of their genuine and profound shock at the feelings the death of their beloved mother evoked in them.  The priest looked at them and I observed the backs of their heads, sitting shoulder to shoulder in the family pew as the shaman explained to them the nature of last rites in terms of her legacy and their accountability to insure she received them, whatever they are.  The message was received loud and clear, the prophecy had reached the recipient through channels as complex as the comb that is remembered by the honey. The honey produced using pollen gathered by the specific bees from the random of flowers, the hither, thither and yon of the bounties we are about to receive, amen.  There are no accidents Mr. Anderson, none at all.  Those are just fractals and if you place a small spoon of honey in a bowl, add water and then swirl it for a few moments, you will see one of the great works right before your very eyes.


14.9.18

Fire Alarms of Citarum

Now, this is a new patio.  Same old stars and planets.  I think of the days when we'd not think twice over shooting out the streetlights, pulling the lever on the fire alarms even though they'd catch us with the blue dye on our palms, the place where our futures were written.  This is a new patio and a loving couple pass by just before dawn, clicking their tongues at the dog that they raised from just a puppy, that sweet smell of pup and love, that unifying element, that status quo of Western Civilization.  A dog named Boo whose abdomen exudes the memory of everyone's first bike and lost tooth.  This is a new patio but it's been here since the beginning of time.  Waiting for the sunrise this morning, waiting for the happy Mr. and Mrs. Smith to pass by, eager to improve their heart rates, lower their systolic BP.  Yes, that too, that too.  If I shot out the streetlight, things would come into focus but I don't own a gun.  Yet. I'd have to keep it out of reach where it would be of no use, would have to learn how it works and then, worry about it working, worry about how to keep it clean.  A well aimed stone would do the trick anyway and rocks are free, no hate speech intended.  They'd run to fix the EPA approved of lamp though because  in this hemisphere darkness is the enemy.  It looks too much like night. Mr. and Mrs. stride into the distance, holding the sin of their flashlight, praising and examining the character of their dog as the sun revives all this stuff one more time.  They'll be off to work in a few hours, the stores will all be open and no one will be the wiser. The price of Indigo is 4 billion somethings.  It says so on their hands. 


3.5.18

To Whom It May Concern Again it is coming of age, blown open blossom, turn key operators and survivors, coming up for air twice. Yet forty or fifty are burned alive, forty or fifty are buried, forty or fifty become lost scrambling up the hill to check. When the machines start to stop at zero, replacing the hums with great silence filled and fitted by one huge conversation between nature and her guests: promises and facts, big success stories, all of it gravity gravity gravity.