Alerts Issued Across Europe

Unclassified Military Briefing on Alert Status, Europe

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist
threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross."

Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940
when tea supplies all but ran out.

Terrorists have been re-categorized from"Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666 which left London in rubble
Also, the French government announced yesterday in Paris that it has
raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide."

the only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.
It's not only the English and French who are on a heightened level of alert.
Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to
"Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective
Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful
Arrogance" to "Dress in Excellent Uniforms and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Bite Off more than you can chew."
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only
threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to
deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Don't let these alarms alarm you though.


Semper fi